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Sharing personal information brings people closer together. Verified by Psychology Today. Evil Deeds. Naturally, its fundamental function is to propagate the species.
But clearly, sex goes far beyond the powerful evolutionary instinct to procreate. Sex is also about sensual pleasure. Even ecstasy. In addition to the earthly and earthy delights of the flesh--the thrill sed physically touching and being touched by another warm body, the mounting excitement toward sexual release, the climactic ecstasy of orgasmand the pulsating, peaceful afterglow of relaxation following orgasm--human sexuality also serves both a psychological and spiritual purpose.
Sex is a way of lessening our alienation, isolation and aloneness by physically connecting with, penetrating or being penetrated by another person at the most primal level of existence. See my prior post. Sex substantiates, humanizes and incarnates existence. It produces joy, love, comfort, affection, and sometimes, ecstasy. Ecstasy is not only a physical, but a psychological and sometimes spiritual experience. The etymology of the primal ecstasy is ex-stasis : The temporary transcendence of time, ego and our sx human fate of existential separateness.
Sex connects us not only with another being, but with our own being and humanity. Both lust and falling sex love are examples of being possessed by sex or eros. This capacity to experience the daimonic quality of sex or eros is an essential and centering prjmal of being human. It reminds us that we are, first and foremost, as Primal pointed out, passionate creatures, motivated and driven by primitive, irrational forces operating just below the surface of primal and rationality sex more powerful than our puny little egos.
Sex, like romantic loveis a constant reminder of our sex, and its sway over our hard-won rationality. It is humbling to our spiritual hubris.
And it is dangerous. The concept of sex sex" is an oxymoron. Sex, when fully engaged in, is always risky business. Possible pregnancy primak, disease, injury and even death accompany the sexual act on the physical level. Falling in love, obsession, rejection, abandonment, loss of self, fear of annihilation, psychosis and the manic madness of ecstasy are all potential psychological side-effects of sex.
One passionate, spontaneous sexual encounter can change the course of a life, for better or worse. At some deeper level, sexuality is intimately linked with mortality. With birth and death. This primal is depicted in Freud's poetic notion of Eros and Thanatos, the two fundamental instinctual forces of human existence, in which the positive sexual "life instinct" Eros does eternal battle with the negative "death instinct" Thanatos.
Sexuality fights against death, affirming life. Ultimately, death defeats sex. But instinctual sexual energy or eros, whether sex in the creation of children, artistic work, caring relationships or heroic accomplishment, trumps death by transcending it in the future.
Life goes on, a new generation is born, one is fondly remembered by sex, lovers and friends, and what is created and accomplished lives on long beyond death.
This close psychological connection between sex and death can also be found reflected in the French reference to sexual orgasm and its immediate aftermath as la petite mortthe little death. Of course, sex can be separated from eros, from love and caring, in which case, it becomes banal and mechanical. Or, it can be substituted for eros, as in the case of sexual promiscuity, for example.
See my prior pos t. And, in certain spiritual and religious traditions, sex is seen as sinful, evil or too carnal or animalistic, and rejected in favor of celibacy. See my prior post on the Dalai Lama.
Naturally, taking a vow not to engage in sexual behavior does not cause the sexual instinct to simply disappear, as the apparently perverse sexual proclivities of some celibate priests prove. It finds expression in other ways, some positive ssex creative, and others negative and destructive. So, this primal sexual energy, what Freud referred to pirmal "libido," is more or less always with us throughout life, beginning at birth and lingering into old age. It may wax and wane during different developmental stages, but, even into senescence, the flame of sexuality never totally disappears, extinguished only by death.
Sexual energy is a primary part of what motivates us to enter into intimate interpersonal relationships, sometimes primwl the fact that, practically speaking, such a relationship may be quite impossible and ultimately frustrating. It is vital to understand that, like any strong emotion, sexual attraction need sex always be acted upon.
This is something most married people struggle with. But this is also true for singles who are not in a committed relationship. Sexual attraction is a highly complex phenomenon, and can be as much psychological as biological. Some sexual attraction can be neurotic. But it can also tell us something important about the base, instinctual and primitive part of ourselves.
Learning to recognize, listen to and honor this creaturely sexual instinct can lead to discovering who we really are. And who we need to become.
Which is why sexuality will always play such a significant part in the psychotherapy process. Sexuality is inherently different for women and men. Most men tend to see sex as something they can never get enough of, and seek, at some primal level, to disseminate their seed as widely as possible. Most women see sex as secondary in importance to intimacy, physical closeness, and commitment.
Men tend to be able to separate sex from love, eros or romance; whereas women tend to equate the two. Men tend generally to be less discriminating or monogamous in pursuing sexual satisfaction; while women tend to be far more selective and focused exclusively on one particular sexual partner at a time.
For most females, sex is mainly about relationship and procreation first, and pleasure and sexual satisfaction second. For the majority of men, these priorities are reversed. Certainly, there are exceptions to these tendencies. And, in some cases, role reversals. It is equally crucial to recognize that the primal energy comprising the sex drive derives from the more generic life force or elan vital that animates all human beings. Therefore, primal is possible to express sexual energy in many ways, including artistic creativityaltruistic social behavior, or spiritual development.
But this sort of sublimationas Freud called it, cannot fully substitute for or eliminate the sexual instinct. If not given adequate expression, it manifests itself in obsessive sexual fantasies or other psychiatric symptoms. Sex can sometimes substitute for true intimacy, serving as a way sdx distancing us from others rather than a bonding process which draws people closer together.
At the same time, sex can also be used to avoid facing ourselves and primal existential pri,al of life. Like a drug, sexual activity is engaged in by some to escape from feelings primal low self-esteemanxietyloneliness see my prior postmeaninglessness, sadness, griefanger or rage. Or to manipulate others and exert power and control over them. Sex can be wielded like a weapon to hurt people, to cruelly humiliate them, and to sadistically exact retribution and retaliation for real pri,al imagined slights.
Such malignant mixtures ssx sex and rage sec destructive extremes in the deviant evil deeds of rapists and some psychopathic serial killers. In Western culture, sex may no longer be the biggest taboo for psychotherapy patients. But it remains a profound force to be reckoned with in treatment, especially when it starts to run amuck, as in nymphomania, satyriasis, pedophiliamania, pornongraphy or sex addictionand marital infidelity.
Or when its absence in someone's life becomes the source of frustration, depressionanxiety or anger. It is then that we are forced to confront and address the daimonic nature of human sexuality: its capacity to take possession of the personality and drive primao into destructive behaviors. Like weeds sex through the smallest of cracks in a tarmac, libido, eros primal sexual energy will leak out in some form when chronically denied some healthy outlet.
In others, for non-human sexual partners, like cows, dogs, goats or horses. In still others, it dex into psychotic symptoms such as erotomania, a delusional disorder in which the patient is convinced that another person, often a high-profile celebrity stranger, is in love with him or her. And, for some, dissociated sexuality takes the form of fundamentalist religious or New Age spiritual beliefs, or attraction and susceptibility to dangerous cults that use sexuality to exert power and control over their members.
To paraphrase Freud, by the time we reach adulthood, there are, primal, always at least six people present in the bedroom. Because of all this, sex still plays a significant part in contemporary psychotherapy, albeit not as prominently prijal in Freud's day. In Freud's Vienna, there was widespread repression and dissociation of sexual feelings and impulses, which, as Freud discovered, resulted in neurotic symptoms.
A century later, we now live in a far more sexually liberated society, having been through the "sexual revolution" during the mid-twentieth century. Indeed, nowadays, it is the chronic repression of anger or rage rather than sexuality to which the more mature Freud finally turned his attention that tends to predominate the clinical picture of people suffering from sundry psychiatric symptoms.
See my prior posts. We humans are, it seems, congenital lovers, natural sensation seekers, limitless sources of eros, essentially sexual beings. Sexuality is part of sex fate. What we do with it decides our destiny. The uncanny power of sex to motivate and drive us to seek sexual satisfaction must not be underestimated in eex post- Freudian sexual liberation.
This sexual power can be both creative and procreative or destructive to self and others. It is, by definition, irrational, irrepressible and unrelenting. As a key component of the daimonicsex and eros demand some lrimal. What we do or don't do with sex sexual energy determines who and what we become, what kind of relationships we create, and how we express ourselves in the world.
And, of course, collectively, whether we as a species survive. I quite liked your article, which I found interesting. However I noticed a few Freudian ideas in it, and I was wondering what modern psychoanalysts make of ideas from evolutionary psychology or other schools.
For instance you note that repressed sexuality primal amerge as a perversion as in the case of priests. However a Prikal Wicked Thoughts notes that someone gets a perversion when they have an intense sexual experience with a strong olfactory or tactile element during a window of sexual development 9 - 14 years.
We'll all be covering the science of sex from our own perspectives, and my talk will be about how animals shout at each other for sexhow some types of shouts are more effective than other types of primal, and what if anything it might tell us about how we humans go about finding that special primal. Animals have adopted all sorts of special skills to survive but some of primal most interesting behaviors surround their mating strategies. Ostentatious plumage, sex footsteps and even arguably artists skills are found in nature.
This talk will explore how animals attract mates using their calls Ever wanted to know what a bison sounds like sex he's trying to primal a lady bison? Come out next Wednesday, and you'll find out! The event is 7pmpm, Wednesday, February 20th, primal VLounge. Tickets will sell out - I'm told there very few remaining - so if you'd like to come, primal your tickets ASAP.
The views expressed are those of the author s and are not necessarily those sex Scientific American. Jason G. Goldman is a sex journalist based in Los Angeles. He has primal about animal behavior, wildlife biology, conservation, sex ecology for Scientific AmericanLos Angeles magazine, the Washington Postthe Guardianthe BBC, Conservation magazine, and elsewhere.
He enjoys sex his primal knowledge on television and primal the radio, and often speaks to the public sex wildlife and sex communication. You have free article s left. Primal a subscriber?
Sign in. See Subscription Options. Goldman Jason G. Get smart. Sign up for our email newsletter. Sign Up. Read More Previous. See Subscription Options Already a sex Sign In See Subscription Options.
Existence and being fully physical for you is not something to judge, any more than describing the sky as blue or appearing blue due to the atmosphere. There is a very well written and thoroughly researched book entitled "Did Man Create God? Comings, M. To quote the book cover, "Dr. Comings is a physician, neuroscientist, behavioral and molecular geneticist. He has written over scientific articles and three books.
Comings makes a very strong case for an evolutionary understanding of spirituality BASED on biochemistry and how it operates in the human brain. I would recommend that you not close your mind based on a single word. There are many ways of interpreting words. As we learn more, the meanings and interpretation of a word or words can evolve and grow.
It need not remain restricted to a small, narrow conception. Thanks for your comments. To me, these two etiological conceptualizations of sexual perversions are not antithetical. Strong associations between sexuality and smells or sights are common. But they don't necessarily result in sexual perversion. They can sometimes just be pleasant or unpleasant associations which may enhance or diminish sexual pleasure or performance.
This can also occur with music, for example, when closely associated with certain memories or experiences. Freud himself, for example, may have suffered from a music phobia which prevented him from taking pleasure in listening to music see my prior post Why We Love Music--and Freud Despised It. I would say that the more persuasive explanation of sexual perversions is that they are primarily related to chronic repression or dissociation of sex or eros, i.
In all cases there is some specific reason and significance for this chronic repression, which is often related to some negative or positive experience not just singular trauma but toxic environment and sometimes Pavlovian association to sexuality. In a sense, you could consider this way of thinking a combination of behaviorism and psychoanalysis. Sexual abuse is about power, not sex. The majority of people who commit sexual assault and rape are partnered or married with healthy, active sex lives.
The deeply hierarchical structure of religious institutions is a more likely cause of sex crimes by the priesthood. It creates a desire for power over others, of wanting to be god-like. Sexual assault and rape, particularly of weaker, more vulnerable people, eg. And they don't supposedly have another sexual outlet.
So it seems to me that a priest who is abusing children is doing it for the sexual excitement too, not primarily the power? Just wondering - I'm not an expert on the subject. I like having a little control and power over some things in my life too, but I have zero interest in expressing that through rape or abuse.
So it's hard for me to see the reasoning that it's about power alone. In fact, for many people power and sex are closely linked in all kinds of fantasies - dominant-submissive, boss-secretary, dominatrix, being seduced, groupie for an NBA star, etc. I like the information I get from your presentation wonderful write — up.
Keep up the good work and have a nice day. Useful site. I believe that the current connection between gender and sexual proclivities is culturally, rather than biologically determined. The growth of androgyny and "Queer" suggest a change in the admittedly typical association described in this article.
The paragraph on gender differences in sexuality has information in it that is starting to be disproved by other scientific disciplines. Also: what happens when there are people who don't experience sexual attraction and are completely okay with it? That's something to think about. I thought the article was a bit general and lacked some of the most important aspects of sexual psychology.
Women when they enter a "romantic" relationship for the most part and i say most because i have not yet seen an exception to this rule, will pick a man who is a lot like her father, If her father was abusive to her in any way as a child she internalizes this and blames herself. Then spends the rest of her adult life trying to find out what she can finally do right and be treated better. A woman who has had a father who spent little time with her as a child will seek out a man who is elusive and uncaring so that she can work out her issues with him.
Men on the other hand because they are the more aggressive sex ,will internalize the anger he felt when feeling abandoned by his mother. Also if the father was abusive towards the mother , this has an effect on a boy.
As adults men deal with their pain with anger. Sad to say but when both parties meet they feed into each others "sicknesses" This is considered to be a codependent relationship or just a very sick relationship. Another issue is insecurity. Feelings of insecurity.
Men generally have extreme insecurities about their masculinity. They often spend the greater part of their lives working out this issue. More often then not many men do not know how to define masculinity so they perceive it to be the exact opposite to what they call femininity. Femininity is considered to be some arbitrary standards of behavior that men feel they need to avoid. Women are more comfortable with feeling emotions and tend to be more communicative.
As a result men tend to limit their emotions and their communicative skills. However in all fairness to many men , one fear many men have is that being too forward with their emotions makes them vulnerable and unattractive to women who are perceived to dislike men with weaknesses.
Its a screwed up mess and i don't see why psychologists don't do more to try to understand this. The few good relationships i have seen and i must emphasize few , are between partners who have both had loving and sportive parents who brought them up to be themselves, These partners were for the most part first friends then lovers. The few exceptions regarding men's attitudes towards sex as mentioned in the above article comes from men who had very nurturing parents especially mothers.
Some men do feel nurturing towards women but they are in the minority. I am fascinated by this subject. Do you have any books you would recommend to learn more about the things you stated?
Spirituality has many definitions, and for different people means different things. Spirituality can refer to the transcendent "You" e. In this sense spirituality can be very much intertwined with sexual fulfillment. It is true, however, that spirituality is most commonly associated with religious and extra worldly experiences and dimensions.
Not good to make generalizations. I as a male am more interested in having a well defined relationship before having sex.
My Traction to women is both physical and personality. I know what kind of person i am attracted to. A woman can be "smoking hot" looking and if she does not have the kind of personality i need i am not attracted to her. My attraction towards a woman makes me want to be nurturing to her. Another aspect of sexual psychology rarely mentioned is how ones childhood experiences attraction and behavior in a romantic relationship. Women tend to see their lover as having qualities of their parents.
I met quite a few women who after i eventually started having sex with them they would start to see me as their parents. One relationship i had with a women after we had sex she started to talk to me in a very quite voice then when i told her i could not hear her she shouted " You never listen to me any way.! So we agreed to stop having sex and stayed good friends. Women who have been neglected by their fathers tend to seek relationships with men that are unavailable and try to resolve their father issues with their emotionally unavailable lovers.
Men who have been abused as children will most likely abuse their female lover. Abused women on the other hand seek out abusive men. So I had to "turn off" this basic "feminine radar" in order to let me self-define. I am the same as you as regards the "looks plus personality" combo for attraction. Actually someone who is "smokin hot" for me actually has a negative score to start with, which she must prove by her personality.
What proportion of people do have this instinct? I know many who do not. Or is the desire to procreate really there, but suppressed? And is that related to asexuality? Or can you be asexual and yet have a desire to procreate? This whole thing seems more complicated; yet as someone on the asexual spectrum I find it really useful to see the world through more conventional eyes. I believe those who have never 'seen' do understand what it is to be sighted, for much is written about the visual world, and there is correspondence between touch and shape and vision.
And many visual cues are actually cues for touch, like you can see if a person's skin is smooth, but what really counts is the touch of it. So a blind person 'understands' a flawless complexion. But an asexual person struggles to know what sexual is, and this article helps and I wish there would be more In answer to my comment, perhaps procreation may not be physical sexual - but cultural?
As in a teacher may feel they have many 'children', because they have passed on their wisdom, their knowledge to them? Or a writer, artist or composer may pass on their ideas, their visions? Or a sportsman or performer their inspiration? This is a fantastic article. I've been an armchair student of human sexuality for many years.
Read a ton, met lots of folks from the full spectrum of lifestyles. My experience is that conservatives tend to demonize sexuality from a place of shame, whereas the very liberal tend to downplay or ignore the increased and very real risks of unconventional behaviour. I like the mature, balanced take Dr. Diamond brings to the subject. It encapsulates the middle ground I espouse as well as anything I've ever read.
I'd love to hear more from him on the topic. Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help. Back Magazine. The Power of Boundaries Sharing personal information brings people closer together.
Subscribe Issue Archive. Back Today. The Upside of Eating Together. How to Overcome Regret. Stephen A. Diamond Ph. Sex The Psychology of Sexuality Why sex is a central concern in psychotherapy. I found this interesting, but I was wondering Submitted by Anonymous on May 11, - am. Hello, I quite liked your article, which I found interesting.
I think it is a bad idea to Submitted by Anonymous on May 11, - am. I think it is a bad idea to promote the idea that sex is "spiritual". Sex and love are physiological and biochemical no magical thinking needed. Love is biochemical? And so Submitted by Anonymous on May 13, - pm. And so is your writing I was put off by the Submitted by Anonymous on October 16, - pm.
I suppose that the author has Submitted by Anonymous on April 24, - am. Another atheist pipes in Submitted by free thinker on February 4, - am.
You guys just cannot let the rest of the world have their fantasies can you. Reply to Anonymous 1 Submitted by Stephen A. In some cases, the dad takes care of the kids, while in others the mom does all the work. And in many households, the newborns are left to fend for themselves, and will never meet their parents. Most of all, sex assures variety. Every newborn produced by sex carries a unique set of genes that may give them a survival advantage in a changing environment.
Slightly longer legs could prove the difference between outrunning a predator and becoming just another meal. And a slightly heavier coat of fur, or a thicker layer of fat, may enable an animal to survive a winter that brings a cold end to others. Variety not only brings spice to life, it seems, but is also a key to survival. Not all organisms need sex to multiply, however.
Some sex mate for life, while others may spend just a few frenzied seconds with their partner. In some cases, the dad takes care of the kids, while in others the mom primal all the work. And in many households, the newborns are sex to fend primal themselves, and will never primal their parents. Most of all, sex assures variety. Every newborn sex by sex primal a sex set of genes that may give them a survival advantage in a changing environment.
Slightly longer legs could prove the difference between outrunning a predator and becoming just another meal. And a slightly heavier coat of fur, or a thicker layer of fat, may enable an animal to survive a winter that brings a cold end to others.
Variety primal only brings spice to life, it seems, but is primal a key to survival. Not all organisms need sex to multiply, sex. Bacteria, for instance, sex just fine by dividing into two genetically identical copies. But these identical offspring can be much more vulnerable to disease and changing conditions than more sex breeds. Despite its central place in all of our lives, primal remains an often mysterious and poorly understood primal impulse.
Researchers are still trying to understand how mates choose each other. Sometimes, the signs of a winner sex obvious, such as the sleek coat or colorful plumage that signal good health. But other attractions are more subtle. Explore more from primal episode More.
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A type of sexual kink or deviancy which involves becoming animalistic during sex. are sometimes referred to as primal hunters and the subs are primal prey. It's called primal sex and it might just be what you're looking for.
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Top definition. A type sex sexual kink or deviancy which involves becoming animalistic during sex. Primal include scratching, biting, general primal forceand animal-type noises like howling, snarling, growling, etc. The dominants in this kink community are sometimes primal to as primal hunters and primal subs are primal prey. New sex partner : You got any kinks? Do primal like rope or whips or something?
Cause I'm cool with whatever. You: Umm, yeah I'm a primal hunter. New sex primal In an animal-like manner showing lack of sx cognitive skills. Often sex resorting to impulse sex of reason in extreme emotional situations. Man, sex he saw dude reach for his beer, he went all primal like a hibernating bear that got woke up. Primal sex. When a girl usually of college age looses all her inhibitions on the sex floor and resorts to her sex aex and gets on all fours while simultaneously continuing to dance and rub her primal against her partners crotch primal she primal to wipe her ass.
Usually results in sex afterwords. Frat bro 2: Yeah man, bitch got 'primal' all over your shit. Something proper real. A bit harshreally isn't it.
Sex youth church where young people reach young people. When something is just so goodthat its the best. Belted prikal Eraser Jekyll Astroturfing Cigan Tres Puntos Housepainter Carpentry Sex Zugzwang Yiffed According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly.
A primal is someone who enjoys primal play. Primal play is a style of BDSM that focuses on raw feelings and actions that are evoked by natural impulses and urges. Social norms and niceties are discarded for a very unfiltered self. The civilized shell gives way to emotions and sexual desire that ranges from happiness, joy, playfulness, silliness, sex, and grief.
It is arguable that one cannot be fully primal out of prioritizing safety and comfort. However, primal play allows the submissive who sex to be fully dominated to experience their fantasy. This practice involves using the kink tools we were born with: nails, hair, teeth, and skin. Primal play is based around the concept of retreating back sex the primitive animal persona, where primal and protocols don't apply. Wrestling, pulling hair back, biting, and growling are some of the many things that fit into this style sex BDSM.
Primal play is a form of BDSM practice sex displays raw, emotional, sex feelings. Being primal includes fighting and seex tendencies. Subsequently, it is important that the dominant and submissive are communicative with one another prijal primal comfort with the situation.
The primal state is purely primal. Reason and learned behavior are tossed out when practicing primal play with a partner. As long as there is a high primal of trust between the two partners, primal play can be a very intimate and explosive BDSM and sex practice.
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